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Wow.  31 weeks?  What? How did this happen?  Where does the time go?  What about all the stuff I wanted to do while pregnant? Oh, I know… I’ve spent the past 27 weeks working my way through complex emotions and dealing with unpleasant and sometimes difficult physical stuff.  Needless to say I haven’t been doing the meditation, yoga and any other spiritual type work that I thought I would do – that I wanted to do.  As it is, it’s still a challenge to make it through each day. But we’re doing it. And with every day we get closer to this little girl’s arrival.

Thanks friends for your graciousness in supporting my complaining post from a few weeks ago. It was nice to feel supported even if it wasn’t the most positive post. You just gotta let yourself feel what you feel sometimes.

This pregnancy stuff is not easy and it’s not glamourous.  At least not on me…  since I last posted lots has happened.  I started my new job, which is good but a bit overwhelming.  This whole working for a living thing stinks.  I much prefer sitting on my butt, doing whatever I want whenever I want and still collecting a paycheck but unfortunately that was only temporary.  I’m actually really grateful for the time I got to be on severance. I’m not sure if I would have made it this far if I had to get up and go to work everyday throughout this pregnancy.  It’s just one more thing that validates how moving out of NYC and making these lifestyle changes were the right move for us and this baby.

So anyway – the new job.  I am working from home. This means that I am on the phone ALL DAY LONG. I’m only 2 & 1/2 weeks in and still trying to learn the role so I may have a little more off the phone time once I’m fully trained but I’m starting to miss the days of sitting at my desk with my headphones on and not having to talk to anyone unless I wanted to.  All in all this is a good situation for me and I’m doing my best to do a good job.  The challenge is that I managed to catch a cold and have been totally sick since early last week. I’m on the mend and starting to feel better but I’m definitely not at my best right now physically or mentally.

In other news, I also have managed to develop PUPPS, self diagnosed of course. But my stretch marks started itching about a month ago and just got worse until they developed little bumps – that are now little scabs since I CAN’T STOP SCRATCHING.  I have an oil that helps a bit and I try to keep my hands off but sometimes you just gotta scratch.  They’re only on my lower belly at this point and I’m hoping it doesn’t spread.  It seems to be easing and getting a bit better so I hope the itchies go away soon.

OK on to some positive stuff.  I’m having a baby shower this weekend! If you can technically call a brunch with 6 people a shower. But whatever, the important people will be there, right?  My mom and sister are flying in, my MIL and SIL will be there and my oldest friend (we’ve been friends since we were 3 years old) is making the drive up to be here. I’ve already started getting presents in the mail and boy is it exciting.  It makes it feel all that much more real.   I found the registering part to be a challenge.  I could shop for baby clothes all day but figuring out what stroller to get and what crib mattress is best is almost too much for me.  I have no idea what I need to have for this baby. I keep telling people, I’ve been trying to get and stay pregnant for 6 years.  Ask me about stuff to do pre-conception and fertility treatments etc… and I can give great advice. But I’ve never made it this far so I have no idea what comes after the getting pregnant part. I don’t know what I’m doing, what I need or what I should be doing.

We’re still trying to make space in our room for the baby’s crib and stuff. We need to buy a changing table to fit in there too but don’t know how much room we have yet. I have too much stuff and trying to unpack everything I’ve left sitting in boxes for the past 6 months and sort through it all is overwhelming. But we’re getting there…  I was hoping to have at least a semblance of the baby’s area ready for when people come over this weekend but this cold (that my husband now has too) derailed that plan. My family has not seen this place yet and I was hoping to impress them with our new apartment but at this point I’m just hoping to clean up enough that people won’t be disgusted with my dirty floors and stuff everywhere. I can impress them with my home another time.

In other fun pregnancy related things. One of my nipples has started to leak. TMI? sorry…  It’s just the one mostly and it’s only a little bit but I can feel a slight wetness sometimes and when I check I have little dried crusty bits on the tip of my nipple. Weird right?  I’m still throwing up and still averaging 3-ish times a week.  It had gotten a little better, then I got sick and it totally got worse (like every morning) so we’ll see what happens over the next few weeks.  I’m still taking the pepcid the Dr. prescribed.  I’ve moved it up to twice a day now since it was helping at first then I would start to feel sick in the afternoons. So now hopefully twice a day will help more. I really hope this is not hurting the baby’s developing gut/digestion/immune system in any way.  I didn’t want to take it but it has really helped me.  Once I started taking it I was able to eat more and put on 7 lbs in the 3 weeks between Dr appts.  At that appt I was up 16 lbs total so that means that I’d only gained 9 lbs in the first 2 trimesters. Trust me, I don’t need to gain a bunch of weight but that just seems low to me. I’m sure I’ll be packing it on now that the baby’s gaining weight too.

Ah the baby… that’s what all this is about right?  Well she’s good.  At least, I think she it.  She’s moving around regularly and it’s getting tight in there…  Her moves are less like kicks and jabs now and more like rolls and lumps. We can see her moving from the outside and it’s crazy. My belly button has turned from an innie to an outie and you can see where she is sometimes by how crooked by belly shape is. This 2-3 lbs baby is heavy. At least she feels heavy especially when she’s pushing on stuff down low in my pelvis. It’s so exciting to feel her in there and know that she’s coming soon.  I’m finally at the point where I think that if I were to go into labor early that she could survive and it’s such a relief. I want her to stay in there until she’s done cooking but I have confidence that she would be OK if something were to happen.  Oh and big win….  She has a name.  At least I think she does. We’re not telling anyone what it is yet and I still feel a little insecure about it. It was not on any of my pre-baby name lists and is a more modern name than I thought I would have chosen but I feel like the universe brought it to me and I just have to get used to it.  Picking a name is such a big deal. I hope she likes it. It’s fun to call her by her name though. I am really starting to get excited about her impending arrival and I can’t wait to meet her.

Hope you all are well… I’m behind in reading posts but I think about you all.