Birthdays are like milestones… markers along the path of life that let you know how far you’ve come. Today is my 36th birthday; My 4th birthday since we started TTC. I used to not be so worried about getting older, but then again I was younger so it didn’t matter. I had plenty of time. Now that I am on the slippery slope to 40, I’m less interested in the day that marks my ever forward marching age. I feel like I’m running out of time to do all the things I once thought I would.
When I turned 30, I was feeling pretty good about where I was in my life. Still planning to have 3 children but not quite ready to start trying… Skip to my 35th birthday when after trying to conceive for 3 years (including DH’s surgery and 2 IVF cycles) I was finally pregnant (with twins no less). A little late in the game, but at least on the right track… Now here we are just one year later and I still do not have any children. What I have instead is a history of pre-term labor, 2 stillborn babies, a failed FET, a failed 3rd IVF cycle and more emotional and psychological baggage than you would think is possible. So, I’m sure you can understand why I’m not exactly excited to be yet another year older.
That said… it’s not all bad. In fact, my sweet sister is flying in for a visit today, my favorite – very hard to get a hold of – hair stylist is cutting my hair today and my husband will be taking me out to dinner tonight. How can I complain about all of that? As part of my 2013 effort to be happier in my life even though I don’t have children (yet). I’m trying to be thankful for what I DO have instead of focusing on what I DON’T have. This is easier said than done for me, but I’m going to try.
So here we go… things to be thankful for on my 36th birthday:
- my husband – he puts up with my insanity on a daily basis and still loves me.
- family – I have loving and supportive parents, siblings, in-laws and extended family. I wish I didn’t live so far away and could see them more.
- work – I have a job that keeps me interested and engaged (most days) and lets me work with some good people who I enjoy being around.
- friends – I have some very dear friends who I have known for many, many years. Like my family, I wish I lived closer to them.
- my body – it could be worse… I may not be as thin as I would like and may complain about being “old and broken” but at least I wake up free from physical pain most days, that has not always been the case.
- learning opportunities – I have found new sources of information and am learning more about how to actively increase my health and happiness.
I know there has to be more, but I’m new to this whole glass-half-full-thing. This is a start…